Queen For A Day

My husband pretends he doesn't like hosting the Halloween party or getting into costume but come the big event he's fretting about details and what he's to wear. Men. He usually leaves his costume up to me and I usually have free reign to costume him however I see fit. Well, that's the way it used to be.

My right to choose his costume ended several years ago. Oh, it started out innocent enough. The conversation went something like it always does:

Me: What do you want to be for Halloween this year?

Him: Are we doing that party again? (Translation: "I don't wanna.")

Me: Just tell me what the heck you want to be so I can get it done.

Him: Whatever.

Me: No, pick something because I don't want to hear about it later.

Him: I don't care just do whatever.

Me: [sigh]

So be it.

The party in question had a theme were you needed to come costumed as a couple or a group. I worked through several scenarios but finally honed in one I really liked - Pimp and Hoe. Catch was I would be the pimp and he would be a lady of the night.

I hit every thrift store in town looking for the perfect pieces to complete his ensemble. By the time I was done I had: a hot pink mini skirt, dreadful pink/black/yellow splattered jacket, fishnet hose, red curly wig, earrings, heels and a black bodysuit. (Did you know that women's snap-crotch bodysuits don't work well with the male anatomy? Tip: think bra extender.)

The evening of the party I presented him with his costume and went about directing him on the ins and outs of dressing like a "lady". If only you could have seen him trying to navigate the fishnets - hysterical! I then did his makeup and off to the party we went.

My husband has the best legs and butt so from the back he could have passed for a woman but catch the profile and the Adam's apple and 5'o clock shadow turned him into she-male extraordinaire. I think he did manage to get a few butt pinches, numerous cat-calls and possibly even a couple of marriage proposals before the night was over.

There are few things that could bring my marriage to the verge of a divorce: hiding his remote, me barking out instructions as he attempts to assemble the newest widget we've acquired and dressing him as a woman. I've been told in no uncertain terms that his days of "dude looks like a lady" are over. So, keep this on the down-low - here he is in full drag. (Was kind of hard to get him to stand still for a photo op. Hmmmmm - wonder why???)