Black Friday Turkey

Ahhhhhhhh Thanksgiving. One of those few days of the year where the only places open are convenience stores and K-Mart. It's also the day before Black Friday which means after you collapse from your Tryptophan laden turkey dinner you can peruse the sales fliers and organize a plan of attack on that Christmas shopping list.

At this very moment there are people laying out their ads, making lists, comparing prices and organizing their relatives for their assault on holiday shopping. Strategies are being laid out and if you don't have one by the time you get in line, well, then you're an amateur.

I always had a strategy. I talked to employees as they entered the building to find out where the items I wanted were located. My list was ranked, taking into consideration scarcity, best price and "must haves". I focused on one store only and there was never a time I wasn't one of the first 5 in line. This is commercialism in it's finest hour.

If this is your first venture into the Black Friday arena here a few tips we've picked up over the years by watching the pros:

* Don't go too early. Wait until about 20 minutes before the store opens and stand off to the side. Once the doors open everyone who's been waiting for 2 hours will be so focused on getting in that they won't notice that you cut in line in front of them.

* When the doors open don't walk - run! If you drop your keys, purse, coat - keep running. The only time to stop is if you drop your list.

* If someone grabs what you want promptly yank it out of their hands and whack them over the head with it

* Don't let someone's cart stand in your way - hurdle it. Really, you can make it.

Personally I no longer go out on Black Friday until at least 10am. These days there's rarely a deal that makes me want to stand in line at 4am freezing my nether regions off and getting acquainted with people who'd rather kill me than lose the chance to get a bargain.

See, Halloween isn't so scary after all.

Freaks

Every so often I get a hold of a word and chew it until all the flavor is gone. My current word is freaks. My neighbor - the inspiration.

About 10 days ago I pulled into our subdivision and what to my wondering eyes did appear? My neighbor had their Christmas trees (yes - that's plural - trees) up and lit. Freaks. 24 hours later the festival of lights had oozed it's way to the exterior in a billion gigawatts of glory. Freaks. There ought to be a law that you can not turn on your holiday lights until Thanksgiving evening. For crying out loud I still have pumpkins in my yard.

Tonight as I passed the freak show that was akin to a landing beacon welcoming extraterrestrials I thought "thank God they don't live right across the street". But as I crossed town I found, to my dismay, that the freakiness was contagious. I lost count of the number of houses displaying Christmas lights. What? They can't wait another 48 hours??

During my drive of lights I flipped through my XM Radio (which reminds me - send complaint to XM/Sirius. I mean really - Octane over SquiZZ ? It's 6pm where the hell is Grant Random? The execs need an ID check!) and found that freaks were taking up arms nationwide. There were now [gasp] holiday channels playing nothing but Christmas music 24/7.

Just when I thought I couldn't take another Hallmark moment I pulled up to the stop light and saw the most beautiful sight. A tiny house with one of those huge, hideous airblown turkeys and orange icicle lights. Hallelujah! The world had not gone mad! I was not alone in holding on to the last vestige of Autumn!

As the light turned green I took one last look and felt a bit less Grinchy. After all, I was on my way to meet the hubby and buy new Christmas lights. Freaks.

Thrill of the Hunt

What do you get when you cross an early Thanksgiving visit home with an old high school friend that is auctioning off her store antiques? It's what I call a "Halloween Score".

Jeanise and I go way back. Don't even ask me how far as I like to think I'm still 2o-something. We share a love for old stuff but she's much better at sniffing it out, so, when I realized she was having an auction on the same day I'd be home for Thanksgiving I thought it was a bonus.

After scarfing down the Thanksgiving feast I headed out to the auction which was already well underway. I perused the trailers loaded with miscellaneous vintage wares faining disinterest (no sense letting anyone else know I might be on to something). My eyes caught a glimmer of old orange and black - bingo - vintage Halloween. Now we're talking my language! I casually made my way around the trailer and eyeballed the paper mache Jack O' Lantern - hmmmm tiny and in bad shape. Next. The pan style noisemaker. Dang - already have that one. What else? That's when I saw them!

I placed myself close to but not in front of my target and waited. And waited. And waited some more. Why is it that when I zone in on one thing the auctioneer takes his precious time getting to it?

Finally. The box is moved to the center of the trailer and the prizes are laid out before the crowd. The bidding begins. I bid. Ack - competition! I bid again - she bids - I bid....back off lady these are mine! What's this? She bows out? Ha! She must have sensed she didn't stand a chance.

The contents are carefully placed back in the box and presented to me. Inside lay 5 vintage composition dolls in various degrees of decay. Like a protective mother I wrap my arms around the box and stare lovely at my new pets admiring their cracked faces, missing limbs and disintegrating clothing. Faces only a Halloween fanatic could love.